Last year, I wrote a post about aging.
I just discovered another great entry for that post.
The discovery was made while playing Yakuza 6, which I mentioned in my previous post I’ve been obsessed with over the festive weekend. Specifically, it’s one of the girly mini-games. Yes, those must-haves of every Yakuza game, because such things are quintessential to Japanese nightlife. Anyhow, what humbled me was the live-cam chat. During this, you attempt to get the girl, ahem, passionate. If you succeed, well, your eyes are in for a feast.
Let me get the awkward part out of the way first. My jaw dropped when I walked into this mini-game. NOT because I’m a sleazebag, you rascal. The mini-game is solid proof of the awesome power of the PS4. It’s like, the girl is not a 3D model. It’s a real babe. A REAL Japanese babe. And while there are only two to choose from, each comes with tens of videos. Get them high, I mean, loving enough, and you get to enjoy hours of show. All else aside, isn’t that great value for money for a game? It’s like a festive 2-1 sale!
Here’s what happened. I ended each chat gasping for air and with trembling hands. NOT because I was, you know, but because the whole challenge is based on the thing I fear most in modern games. Quicktime events.
Each time those blasted symbols flashed, I enter into a wild panic when struggling to punch the correct sequence. Not matter how I stare at the controller to memorise, I somehow still need to look at it while hitting the buttons. No thanks to that, I absolutely had no time to even glance at the babe while doing it. Neither could I read the sexy nonsense I was spewing at her. It was all I could do not to drop the controller in panic.
Worse, I remain so jumpy after each sequence, I cannot tear my eyes off the box where the symbols appear. Very quickly, I just start praying for the babe to just stop yakking and bring on the next sequence. Just shut up, wouldn’t you? Who cares about whether you are feeling warm?! Bring on the next run, damn you! Bring it on!!!!!
I should stick to tamer games. I’m obviously past my prime for such complicated excitement.
The English version for Yakuza 0, the prequel, was released two months after Yakuza 6. Check out my list of favourite substories from that game!